Ever wonder what your pets do when you're not home?

Personally, I don't want to know.

But our friends at Mattel seem to think it's important for your dog to "Tweet." A special collar and a Twitter account for your pet (Christ, everyone has them these days) are all that's required to see your dog's activities and emotions printed online.

Here's how I imagine my dog's Twitter feed would look:

8:00am - sleeping in the bed

10:30am - drinking from the toilet

10:45am - bored, going back to sleep

Noon - waking up to chew my ass

12:15pm - sleeping on the sofa

2:30pm - wandering around, sniffing stuff

2:45pm - barking at leaves blowing across the front porch

4:00pm - napping, tired from barking

5:00pm - barking at people coming home from work

5:30pm - eating

6:30pm - napping, tired from eating

8:30pm - barking at more leaves blowing across the porch

8:15pm - chewing something I shouldn't (and my ass again)

8:30pm - napping

10:00pm - barking at dogs in the yard next door

10:30pm - sleeping, it's been a rough day