The most underrated hat EVER

Hands down - it's the fez. Why aren't these things more popular? Only monkeys and Middle-Eastern guy stereotypes in movies wear them. They're comfy and stylish. We need to get a fez on Jessica Simpson's giant baby, or Barack Obama.

I need a Cthulhu fez in my life...for serious.

Hear that dull thud? That's Thoreau rolling in his grave

I get "gamers." There's something really wonderful about exiting your own reality to enter another, possibly more pleasant one. Feeling like a zero in real life and feeling like a hero in digital life can have some really positive results. I've dated my fair share of gamers too.

But there's just something sick about this. Thoreau wandered off and wrote about his experiences because he was dissatisfied with life as it stood. He needed to disconnect with the universe and understand himself - build a cabin, fish, reflect, etc. Living deliberately.

Of all the things to create a game about, Walden is just about as inappropriate as a game for dissecting live baby harp seals. (Okay, that's a bit extreme, but you get the point.)

Read a book for chrissakes. At least books have zombies.

Aaaaaand, this is why dating dentists is a bad idea

Sometimes, blasting a man on the Internet just isn't enough. He wronged you, he cheated, he wasn't as attentive as you needed him to be. Bitching and moaning on Facebook just doesn't cut it.

Just shy of Lorena Bobbit, is Anna Mackowiak. (Although, I would have chosen the Bobbit route, but whatevs.) While her cheating, POS, low-life boyfriend lay sleeping in the chair, complaining of a simple toothache, she removed every last one of his cheating, lying, no-good teeth.

Apparently, toothless dudes aren't something the mistress is into either. Game, set, and match, asshole.

Anna may be facing jail time and revocation of her license, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a shit. And I kinda love her for that.

Now, where are my pliers...?

Someone in the marketing department needs to be fired

Sunglasses are easy to sell: make them fashionable, affordable, and accessible. Everyone loves sunglasses. Summer = shades. Very simple.

Celebrity endorsements are another way to get your shades out to the public, but choosing a (dead) blind, deaf, and mute woman is not really the most sensitive way to do it. Even Sarah Palin would have been a more "vision" conscious choice. And wouldn't have offended near as many people.

Fortunately, this campaign was run in China, where the buzz is much more about Kim Kardashian's last pedicure than about pissing off American consumers.

(OMG - they're are super cute...)

Remember when there was life before the Internet?

Back in the day we had to call each other to spread gossip, have cool friends to hear about the latest bands, and read these things called "books" to get information. Wow, those were tough times.

Before chat rooms, before YouTube could teach you everything, and even before Facebook (really?!), there were LOLCats. Not the Cheezburger cats, but LOLCats. Everyone's favorite meme was once distributed by post. Like with stamps and stuff. Crazy, huh?

Fire your dogwalker, I guess

Great news for those of us who aren't lucky enough to be independently wealthy, or a stripper, or some other big money career that let's you be home during daylight. If you're wondering how to keep your inside dog entertained while you're out all day making dough to buy dog biscuits, search no more: Dog TV is on the air...er, Internet. (They're hoping to get a national distribution deal, but they're only on the air in California right now.)

The 24/7 doggy cable channel isn't full of shows about cute puppies and training tips. It's full of images of the mail man, playing children, and nature scenes - shot from a dog's perspective. Apparently, the score was composed with dogs in mind also. (How that works, I can't begin to imagine...)

So rather than kenneling your furry friends, or hiring some jaded hipster to drag them around the block twice a day, you can park them in front of the TV. Just like you do with your kids...

Aaaaand reality sets in.

There's a song that's been playing on the radio just non-stop lately: We Are Young. It's cute and catchy...and totally irrelevant to anyone with a 401(k), kids, and a mortgage.

So the folks at Sketchy (Yahoo's comedy series) have responded with a song for the rest of us. If your job zaps your social life, if your friends are all married, if you're more concerned about mowing the lawn than who's playing your favorite bar this weekend, listen up.

Someone's having a birthday next month

And this is what I want. I know I've requested flame-throwers, Uno cards, sniper school, and a saws-all in the past. But now I'm 100% certain: crush two cars with a tank. Only a teensy $750 investment on your part. Several people can pool their resources, I don't mind.

Can you imagine a happier lady?!

Eating from your crotch area just got fashionable.

Ever been on a romantic date in the park, seated on your little hippy tapestry with your love-muffin, thinking "this paper plate full of potato salad is just to heavy"? Well form, function, and fashion collide in the Pic Nic Pant.

Not only can you create a little spandex table while cross-legged - complete with cup holder, you can also use them as a sail while base-jumping. (Previous statement not endorsed by creator.)