Continental Airlines colossal screw up

I don't know about you, but my dogs are like my kids. (In fact, my dogs make me so nuts, I'm not sure I could handle kids at this point.) They both have their own personality, they are both need hugs and reassurance, they both are expensive as hell.

So, when an airline LOSES YOUR DOG it would be expected that you would get just as crazed as if they had misplaced your kid. Shoot, I get homicidal when the lose my luggage.

In a really adorably charming bit of irony, they have another dog searching for the missing one.

Custom kicks

Or as another blogger called them "Caped Crapkickers."

English artist Brass Monki hand paints Nike dunks in the most badass ways. I would wear these suckers to the office without a second thought. RESPECT the cape!

I really wish I had a spare grand or so...

I'll see you all in hell

But I'll be a little late...

Musical chicken obsession

I worked with a woman, let's call her "Tina," who was OBSESSED with chicken. If Tina wasn't eating chicken, she was talking about chicken. She could be bribed with chicken. She had a pair of foam rubber chickens on her desk that we stole and took incriminating photos of. She was devastated until they were returned. I painted her a picture of chicken, but living and cooked, that she proudly displays in her living room. Tina is a woman who could start her own chapter of CA ("Chicken Anonymous").

This video is for her.

One lump or two?

I've always been fascinated by packaging design. Who decided to put pantyhose in an egg? Why don't stuffed animals come in boxes when they're the most likely item to be repeatedly molested in the toy store? What about the "vortex" in the neck of Miller Lite bottles makes any damn difference?

While these tea bags may not serve any more effective tea-delivery function, they are awful neat.

Directions to set (NSFW)

Over the course of my relatively short working life, I've had my fair share of brain-dead co-workers. The catering waiter that wouldn't take the toothpick out of his mouth, despite being repeatedly begged. The raver that did K in the bathroom at the children's toy store. The woman who spent more time loudly planning her 5-year-old's birthday party on the office phone than *actually* working.

I show up and do my job. And fail to understand how difficult it is for others to just do the same, regardless of their job description.

Below is an exchange I wish I could have had with a number of co-workers.

Cooking with beer

Or rather cooking beer.

I've heard of beer-battered shrimp, but what about battered beer? There are beer brats, beer can chickens, beer cheese soup, and countless other ways to cook food with beer. So why not cook beer itself?

Brought to you from the Texas State Fair. (Don't even pretend to be shocked.)

Need to get laid more? Might be time to change careers

There are hundreds of secrets to frequent sex: hanging out in hookup bars, pheromone perfumes, website for similarly sick puppies, self-indulgence, etc...

I heard once that people who smoke clove cigarettes are more sexually experienced that regular cigarette smokers. (I doubt that highly, as the person telling me this was smoking a clove cigarette.)

Turns out, one of the best kept secrets to non-stop nookie is on your business card. There are 5 careers that get laid more than the rest of us. If only I had gone to law school. *sigh*

What do you buy for the girl with everything?

A little something that will get her pulled over by the fashion police.

Blingy bandaids - papercuts with style

Band-aids have evolved from sterile white, to vague (mostly white people) skin color, to character themes, to wild shapes, and now have evolved even further.

In the vein of fashion designers designing beyond the dress form, Cynthia Rowley, whose drapey resort wear has been donned by fashionistas world-wide, has branched out into ouchie-wear.

Why cover that grease burn with a plain ol' tan strip when you can cover it in sequins?

Uncomfortably wedged into unusual spaces

Most certainly, I am NOT a fashionista. (I'm a Baconista.) My 9-to-5 wear is usually black pants with colored shirt and black or white cardigan. My casual wear is jeans and t-shirt. No stylish deviation whatsoever. If I look "cute" or "fashionable" for any reason, it's accidental. I'd be a great candidate for "What Not to Wear." *hint, hint*

But for all the fashion that I personally lack (which I can directly attribute to previously mentioned beer and cheese sticks), I'm a helluva critic. So I LOVE this site. While the ladies running this blog are snarky enough, I have some critique to add to the photo below:

Lucy Punch (who I've never heard of) should fire her stylist. Quickly. Her out-dated, drab little outfit looks like it's jammed uncomfortably up into her lady bits. The fashion tragedy would only be worse if it was a bright floral print or had an ill-placed tassel.

Woody Allen, who is weird in his own right, needs to fire his tailor. The pants are way too "grandpa" for a respected, Hollywood film-maker (grandpa). And lose the attitude.

And Gemma Jones, please totter back to the hippy-commune you just fell out of and change into something more formal. The carpet under you should be grass, not red.

Please let this be a warning to your children

If they tell you they want to be a farmer when they grow up, warn them immediately about the dangers of farm equipment and meth. And nudity. This was once someone's kid. I'm sure his parents are awfully proud.

I'm fairly certain this is a hoax, as hay balers are VERY dangerous bits of equipment. And whomever is shooting the video sound suspiciously like Roseanne.

Sonic sinks

The news keeps wanting to blame it on the intense rain, but I think the store was choosing to mimic what happens to the sofa when you plop your tater tot-suckin' rear down after a foot long coney and a banana cream pie shake.

Mmmm, coney....

*sigh*

Sweet god of junk food, this is SO wrong.

I like a good cheese stick. And the occasional funnel cake. I admit it, I've eaten bacon (only) for dinner on occasion. And there's really nothing like a deep-dish Chicago pizza. (My cholesterol hurts just thinking about it, but my mouth is watering too...)

While other fast food chains have attempted to offer more healthy options like wraps, salads, and low carb options, our pals at Burger King have acknowledged who's eating at their restaurants and catered to their tastes once again.

From the Enormous Omelet Sandwich of 2005 to the ongoing Quad Stacker, Burger King has been boosting business for cardiologists all over the country. Now, with the new NY Pizza Burger, BK has reached new dietary lows (and caloric highs).

Enjoy. Or rather, please don't.

For children?? I think not

While the designer's philosophy on WHY this is an excellent item for children is brilliant ("Why would kids want to sit down and be quiet when furniture is so boring."), I think the adult market would be much more enthused by this furniture.

I'm in the market for new sofas and Tetris-esque furniture is awfully tempting.

Music from HELL

How do you make a ukelele cooler? (No, that's not a rhetorical question.) Have Cthulu design it.

While you're pounding out island jams on this uke, Satan is strangling a kitten.

Where's my phone???

If you're like me, and millions of others, you've abandoned the land line for a totally "cell" lifestyle. Land lines are expensive, dripping with telemarketing, and totally unnecessary when you can be reached on the go.

If you're like me, and millions of others, you're also a drinker and highly forgetful. There's a cell phone pocket in just about every purse I carry, but I can't ever seem to manage to put the cell phone back in there.

So, for those of us unfettered by a land line, and re-fettered by beer, there is a solution. Can't find find your phone? No prob. As long as it's not on vibrate, you're covered.

Kick-ass cookies

As a "perpetual kid" myself, I LOVE this website. Although, have rarely been able to justify purchasing anything.

But it's almost baking season, and I may have to indulge myself.

Office dress code

A few months ago, our HR department hauled every woman in the company into a meeting to go over the dress code. Totally unnecessary, in my opinion. There are certainly a few folks that could stand a wardrobe update into corporate America, but the rest of us didn't need to lose an hour of working time to go over something that's publicly published. The dress code isn't exactly a secret.

I know how long my skirts need to be, I know not to wear stripper heels in the office, I know that my cleavage is not to be spilling out of my shirt, and I know that t-shirts that say "Porn Star" are probably not a great idea. Why not isolate the habitual offenders and discuss with them in private?

I'm pretty sure that a closed-door meeting with this guy would be awful interesting...

Suddenly, "Casual Friday" has morphed into "Slovenly Wednesday."

They say, fences make good neighbors

So, what if your neighbors make strange fences?