ATTN Spoiled brats: Facebook will bust you every time.

We're SUPER connected these days: smart phones, social media, video sharing, online job networking, Internet dating, etc. What many fail to understand is that the "you" that is on the Internet is permanent and searchable. Searchable by employers, friends, prospective dates, law enforcement, and parents.

So kids, if you say something foul, or think you're "hard," or post booty photos, or brag about smoking a bunch of herd, someone's going to see it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually. And it'll bite you right in the ass.

Watch the whole video, but the aforementioned "ass-biting" happens about minute 7.

Paula Deen better watch her ass.

The butt (haha) of many jokes about excessive butter use, Paula Deen has a reputation for ignoring calories in favor of authentic flavor. Her Tunica buffet features various side items swimming in butter, and just about everything you can conceivably deep fry. But ol' girl has some competition.

Meet the boys of "Epic Meal Time." If you can coat it in bacon, they've done it. Even if you can't coat it in bacon, they have figured out how to do it, and deep fried the sucker too. It borders on disturbing actually. Enjoy! But buy a gym membership after watching.

Tagline? "We make your dreams come true, then we eat them."

Teenagers can be human beings. Who knew?

Those obnoxious high schoolers making a scene on public transportation, making out at the mall, and driving like morons; turns out they have feelings. And periodically behave better than some adults.

It's 2012, gone (at least legally) are the days of racial and gender discrimination. People with disabilities are just as valuable as the rest of us, and once we hop over the hurdle of gay rights (fingers crossed!), we're sitting pretty. However, socially, there are some that are still catching up.

Nuggets of Truth: women are just as smart as men, people come in different colors and it has no effect on their intelligence, just because someone's legs don't work doesn't mean their brain is broken too, and your son enjoying fantasy video games and the color purple is not a free ticket to Ru Paul's Drag Race.

Parents: your kids are growing up in a totally different world than you did. Shoot, they're in a different environment than I was in as a kid. Show some fucking adaptability.

Art and lighting and badass design

Want! My birthday's in May if anyone wishes to get a jump start on my gift. It comes from Germany, so allow adequate time for shipping.

Maybe a little too personal

I'm not sure about you, but I really don't have any desire to have my appliances talk to me. I'm fine with the occasional beep, but a disembodied voice coming from a toaster or something is really a bit much.

So while this might be a neat idea for a doctor's office or drug testing facility, I don't think it's too many other practical applications. The last household item I want talking to me or about me is the can. It knows too much...

Additionally, they keep referring to is as "she." That's creepy as hell.

For emergencies ONLY.

Call this number now: 719-266-2837. It's not spam, it's awesome.

 

 

Nice Asimov!

I've heard my fair share of crappy pick-up lines. One of my favorites: "I think oral sex is the best, and I have some cocaine." (Long story.) It didn't work, in case you were curious.

From: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 'Cause an angel is missing" to "What's got two thumbs and likes to do it? (This guy!)", there is no shortage of one liners guys think will make a woman swoon into their bed, if even for the evening.

It appears that someone has gotten wise to the astounding number of these lines, and complied them in a single location. Granted, there may be many others, but this is the most comprehensive I've found.

Exterminate!

I've been watching Dr. Who since 1980-something. While I'm not as up on current Doctors as I should be, I'm still a fan. Brilliant speculation about the future, c.ompelling plot lines, sexual tension, SCIENCE!, and time travel How can you not be intrigued?!

For you nubes out there, here's an expertly diagrammed history of the best Doctor in the business. Hit this link for a better image.

Not a big cat person...

But, damn, this is cute.

While cats don't generally like water, it appears that they're kinda into water creatures.

Stunning artwork, year 'round!

I have the honor of knowing an incredibly talented artist. Actually, I know many incredibly talented artists, but this is the only one putting out a calendar (so far as I know). If you need 12-months of jaw-dropping Dia de los Muertos artwork in your life, you need to act quickly. I have a Day of the Dead themed dining room, all based on one of the amazing prints she did.

The simply fabulous Ms. Natasha Mark will be happy to oblige.

History's greatest egos go head to head

I was fortunate enough to learn about this last night on a fantastic blind date (of all places!). Apparently I'm late to the dance party, considering the number of views on each video. Witness: "Epic Rap Battles of History." Possibly the greatest thing since Jib Jab.

I frequently threaten to challenge people to a break-dance fight, but I think a rap battle may be the way to go if I need to prove a point.  See my fave below...

Smiling Scrooge

Xmas makes me nuts. While I like giving gifts to my dearest loved ones, I don't like to be told when to do it. Still, I hop on the Internet, and spend a bunch of dough I don't have, every December, in the name of the holidays. I felt guilty last year because I was having a holiday party for my motorcycle club, and my brother was coming for the holiday, so I bought a tree and ornaments and stuff.

Fortunately, Target had a black Xmas tree. I suited the tastes of a guilty atheist perfectly! My roommate has offered to put up the tree this year, and I told him he could if he likes, but I really don't care.

Honestly, if this Xmas tree existed for purchase, I would buy it, and display it year-round. Godzilla lording over my living room, in tree form. Gotta love it. Then I would have the illusion that I give a shit about the holidays AND Japan.

Smithers, release the hounds!

If you're having a bad day, watch this. It will make you feel better.

If you're having a good day, this will brighten it further.

Who *doesn't* like puppies?! Geez.

If you shopped for school supplies between 1985 and 1995, you will remember this.

Lisa Frank. Yeah, I know that's a name from way back (I'm assuming the reader is over 25...), and you probably haven't thought about bug-eyed kittens, or unicorns with neon, rainbow manes in *years*. But believe it or not, she's still producing and marketing panda-shaped note pads, and magical, purple puppy folders.

For the highly nostalgic, and fashionably brave, she's even got tees for grown-ups. Not sure where you'd wear one though...

It happens to everyone. You're not alone.

We've all had it happen: un-friending. Social networking is a fickle mistress. Will you be the next victim of a "clean-up" frenzy by that girl you met at a bar 6 years ago? Your boyfriend's cousin's ex-girlfriend's news feed has suddenly disappeared from view and you miss the status updates about her cats.

Friend to us all, William Shatner, has some words of encouragement.

What's he *really* thinking...?

Ladies: we all have heard it - "men think about sex every seven seconds." Well, an Ohio State University study suggests that the number is actually more like 20 times a day. Less than once per waking half hour. While that's still much less than women, 20 times is WAY less than the 8,000 times we were assuming our male counterparts were thinking about knockin' boots.

Here's the interesting bit: know what your man is really thinking about almost as much as sex? Food. Yep, ladies, we're almost edged out of importance by turkey sandwiches and apple pie. For every 19 thoughts he has about "doin' it," he has another 18 thoughts about blueberry muffins or scalloped potatoes.

Feeling special right about now...

Designer beer for EVERYONE!

There has been an *explosion* in home brewing and locally crafted micro-brews in the last 10 years. Everyone with a functional knowledge of brewing is trying their hand at it. Even those with out it are taking a stab at their own brands.

In the footsteps of Lenny Bruce and Thelonious Monk, the Hanson Brothers (remember them?), are coming out with their own micro brew. The name? MMMhop. No foolin'. (Although I sorta wish I was...) Are they even of legal drinking age?

Ever lost just one glove?

If only they had mitten clips for adults, or some kind of GPS locator chip for that one that always goes missing.

In the mean time, form meets function, meets ridiculously cute with Spirit Hoods. Xmas is coming and you could make me a very happy and warm lady with one of these. (Especially, the Panda one. Hint! Hint!)

Additionally, when you buy one of these stylish fuzzies, you help real fuzzies with the Pro Blue.

It's official: Detroit hates Nickleback

55,000+ people have signed the petition asking that Nickleback be removed as the half-time act for tomorrow's NFL football game with the Green Bay Packers.

I hate Nickleback too, so I don't feel terribly bad for them, but the band has retaliated with their own, incredibly hysterical, video. Who knew Chad Kroger had a sense of humor??

Great idea, actually.

Ladies: ever been out at the bar/club/concert venue and suddenly realized that those cute heels are absolutely KILLING you? There are ways to get around this - lean on the corner of the bar and shift from foot to foot, find a seat and stick to it until the throbbing goes away long enough to take a potty break, or go totally shoe-less. But wouldn't it be great if you didn't have to leave the bar to retrieve the pair of flats you know are in your trunk from, like, a year ago?

Problem solved! Rollasole has you covered. Quietly excuse yourself to the vending machine, load in about $10, and solve your problems with some cheap but stylish flats. Why this hasn't caught on in the States is totally beyond me. Maybe we can re-purpose those cigarette machines into shoe machines.