Squishy damn kids these days

A school in Toronto has banned "hard" balls because they might hurt the kiddies. Kids are great and precious and all, but if I had a nickel for every friend I had in grade school that fell off the monkey bars and broke something, I'd surely have enough for a bag of Cheezits.

Children are faced with much bigger challenges now than a "hard" ball. Middle schoolers are getting pregnant, drug experimentation runs rampant, and violence is everywhere. While we desperately want to, we can't protect the youngsters from everything. There are things that they will need to learn on their own.

For instance: paying attention during gym class is important, standing up to a bully is more effective that tattling, and some times, you lose. Happens to the best of us.

So this decision to ban "hard ball" sports is a complete over-reaction. We rode to school without seat belts, brought peanut butter sandwiches into the building without worry, and played on the 12-foot-tall play structures over concrete without worry.

There's something about childhood that doesn't seem complete without a physical "learning experience" It's tough enough to get kids to put down the Wii controler. Why make it harder?

Passwords must include a symbol, capital letter, Sumerian glyph, photo of great-grandparents, and blood sample.

I get it. The Internet is an open expressway of info. People get hacked all the time, whether they are savvy or not. (Happens to me about twice a year, actually. Ignore those emails about penis enlargement...sorry.)

Protecting your financials, buying habits, dating life, correspondence, and pornography habits gets tougher and tougher. So Internet companies are charged with making it *even* tougher to pick up your password. Although, you're forced to come up with some insane combination of characters, it ultimately benefits you. (Write it down. For serious.)

Here's the list of 2011's most frequently used passwords. I'm horrified to admit that one of my numerous passwords is on this list. (Don't bother guessing, I've already changed it.)

• password
  
• 123456
  
• 12345678
  
• qwerty
  
• abc123
  
• monkey
  
• 1234567
  
• letmein
  
• trustno1
  
• dragon
  
• baseball
  
• 111111
  
• iloveyou
  
• master
  
• sunshine
  
• ashley
  
• bailey
  
• passw0rd
  
• shadow
  
• 123123
  
• 654321
  
• superman
  
• qazwsx
  
• michael
  
• football

Again with the "I don't *GET* kids these days.

How can you possibly not enjoy reading? I have hundreds of books I've read over and over, and a list of hundreds more I want to read. Except "The Scarlet Letter." That book sucked.

Being a blogger, social networker, Internet business owner, etc., I get my fair share of time with tech, but I still enjoy the smell of a new book. The tiny crunch you hear when opening a new hardcover is irreplaceable. The feeling of a fresh page as you turn it to uncover the next can't be simulated. I refuse to purchase a Kindle, despite the new, aggressive pricing, because the sensory experience is so personal.
 
Apparently, more than half-a-million Facebook users are anti-book. While the world's population continues to climb towards 7 BILLION+, it still makes me sad to see this.

Cupcakes for the rest of us

Not sure about you, but I'm not a huge fan of sweets. I like the occasional mini Snickers, but otherwise, I'm a protein-craver. Meat, cheese...gimmee!

So, the fine Cupcake Linnie, has come up with a solution for the "meat and taters" crowd: Beer and Cheese cupcakes! How can this miss? Two of the greatest inventions in consumable history in a portable snack. Geeeeeenius!

Check out her other creative cupcake recipes. While bacon and cheddar can't be beat, there are a LOT of others coming at a very close second.

Robotic help for loud sleepers

I will be the first to tell you, I sleep like I'm dead. The only thing that (usually) wakes me up is my alarm clock(s) and the subconscious knowledge that I have to be at work on time. Weekends? All bets are off. Usually, a fidgety dog kicking me in the stomach signals morning.

I've been told, more than once, that I'm a loud snorer. Being a heavy smoker and heavy sleeper, I totally believe it. In fact, I have had exes voluntarily relocate to the sofa due to my nocturnal noise-making. But the Japanese (yeah, them again), have come up with a fuzzy, cuddly, alarmingly cute, solution.

So I guess I either need an equally-heavy-sleeping partner, or one of these and a box of wine.

Lego bible

Sadly, this is not a post extolling the virtues of everything Lego. While I'm a great proponent of the "variety bucket" over the kit with instructions, and the imagination that Lego inspires in general, this one is just a pathetic marketing ploy/brand presentation.

I get it. It's tough to get kids to read and understand the Bible. Honestly, the original document isn't terribly well-written, and the subject matter isn't easy to connect to. Contextually speaking, it's fairly irrelevant too. Especially the Old Testament.

But the "Brick Bible" is really too much. The intersection of logos children recognize and religion is despicable. As though there aren't enough 1-year-olds that recognize McDonald's/Barbie/XBox/pick one!, let's try to throw the Old Testament in there with a brand they might recognize.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not anti-religion. Religion is actually a great thing for some people. It provides hope, and comfort for millions. But there really should be a distinct separation between retail marketing and religion. Is that really what we've come to? "Separation of church and sales pitch."

I want my kids, when I eventually have them, to have a choice. Choose their belief system, choose their morals (with guidance from oddly-hyper-moral athiest Mom), and choose how to be a good person. I hope that I can overpower logo-ed influence in that decision.

While this concept disgusts me on a number of levels, the effort and art put into its creation is admirable.

More than you've ever wanted to know about turkey sex

Stephen Dubner, author of the greatest book ever written (Freakonomics), visits NPR's "Marketplace" with some interesting (disturbing? TMI?) news about next Thursday's entree.

While you're sucking down your gravy soaked turkey, think of the tender care of the farmers charged with raising these birds to Thanksgiving standards. Or rather, don't. Might ruin your appetite.

Face-palm...doing it right, actually.

Gotta love this site. Not only because it's hysterical, but also because it's a constant reminder to stay in control of one's alcohol consumption.

Teens do the darndest things

As a teenager I was a nightmare. Sneaking out, boys, booze, drugs, etc. Fortunately, my mother was too canned to notice. Also fortunately, I was self-aware enough to cut that crap out around age 18, and get my priorities straight.

During that time, there wasn't a substance I wouldn't ingest orally or nasally between the ages of 13 and 18 though. But cavities below the navel were for something else entirely. Wink, wink. Somehow, teens have gotten more creative and decided that tampons are an effective alcohol delivery system. Both girls AND boys. Who comes up with this?!

While kids are on my radar as something I want in my life, I think back to what I was up to as a teen, and monitor what "kids these days" are up to, and it scares the snot outta me. Knowing that I was a mess in high school, and convinced that karma's going to beat my ass on this one. How can teens be dumb enough to think that a cotton suppository is going to help avoid a positive score on a breath-a-lizer? Also, how can life be so difficult that they need that type of escape?

This just proves how completely screwed up anti-gay marriage views are.

I like the institution of marriage. I think it's wonderful that two people choose to commit their lives to one another, and in many cases, their children. When I eventually get married, it's going to be the first and LAST time I do it. The serious commitment of marriage is not lost on me. Being in love is one thing, being in love forever is another.

So, I know the Bible, buried somewhere in the chapters that no one reads anymore, says that homosexuality is "wrong" (btw: says in the same chapter that eating shellfish is "wrong"...watch out Mid-South!), but it seems to me that the "institution" of marriage is a joke. Cite copious numbers of American TV and movie stars that get hitched for a paycheck, rather than for love. This will make great TV! Who cares if children are involved, or if we're bastardizing the sacred bond of two people wish to share for their entire lives?!

Marriage is for two people that agree to love each other, for better or worse, forever. Marriage is difficult, relationships in general are difficult, but if Kardashian-type behavior is the standard for "acceptable" marriages, we've got our priorities all wrong.

What people do in their bedrooms is their business exclusively. But when two men or two women wish to make a *life-long* commitment to each other, they should be allowed to do so. Not necessarily because it's their right (even though I really think it is), but because they're inevitably going to do a better job than the faux stars the American public chooses to idolize and emulate.

How can the right-wing, anti-gay marriage proponents look at this and think it's okay?

Remember when there was this cable channel that played music videos?

I think it was called "Music Television," or MTV for short. The channel that is currently titled MTV plays reality shows, and...well, reality shows.

Despite the inexplicable disappearance of music videos from television (except during the wee hours of the morning, when no one's actually watching), there have been a lot of innovations in making music videos. We've come a long way from the days of "Take on Me."

Check out this amazing stop-motion video using almost 300,000 jelly beans and 2 years of construction and editing. No matter what you think about the song, the video is pretty damn neat.

Aussies finally have it right!

After years of disasters in innovation (cite: Vegemite, boxed wine, and Australian rules football), the Aussies have come up with the coolest thing since the Black Box.

Check out the Super Hero license plate! Tennessee offers UT plates, hunting plates, St. Jude plates, and goofy looking "Support the Arts" plates. I'd rather support Batman, thankyouverymuch.

Bill Cosby would be jealous

We've all gotten them: horrifying sweaters from well-meaning relatives. I got a "Beauty and the Beast" monstrosity when I was 14 from a pair of very sweet grandparents. It was so tragic I couldn't even wear it in an effort to make them happy.

So, this Xmas, head your fiber-happy family off at the pass with your very own ugly-ass sweater. Plus! It's Cthulhu. Nothing says "Happy Birthday Jesus" like the god of ultimate destruction. 

I got 99 problems, but a rotisserie ain't one

Ever craved some kabobs but realized that you're in the office with 900 projects to complete in 20 minutes? Sick, jammied, and not up to facing the world, but really need some shwarma? Living in Antarctica with no access to an outdoor grill or thermal socks?

The fine folks at the Carson Rotisserie company have your solution! Grill in a case. What seems like an innocuous aluminum briefcase is actually a complete rotisserie grill. Accentuate your sales pitch with a Brazilian steakhouse in a box! Who cares if you're selling pharma, tools, or clothes?! Everyone likes food.

Next: I'm hoping for a suitcase that will do a whole chicken. Or maybe a garment bag that smokes a whole hog? More portable meat, please!!

World's biggest rutabega gets the attention of world's biggest stoner

Oh, YouTube. Uniting horticulturists all over the world.

Getting knocked up gets easier

And you thought 1 foolish, beer-addled moment was all it took. Avoid the hangover and the uncomfortable "morning after" exchange of t-shirts with a free sperm donor.

Horrified as I was to read this article, it makes some sense. Although I'm still creeped out by a 40-year-old virgin that gets off on donating without the assistance of a sperm bank. Gay couples and the self-employed folks out there may be able to conceive after all, and with no financial fallout. Well, at least not before the child arrives.

Artificial insemination is expensive, as are fertility treatments, and not all insurance will cover those procedures. The sad part is that the FDA has intervened and is after the donors. The gentleman in the video below has been court ordered to stop the "cease the manufacture and distribution of sperm." (Personally, I'm not sure how that's possible...)

Read the article in Newsweek. It's very interesting.

WANT! Spherical panoramic camera

How cool is this?! Take photos from every conceivable angle at once. Christmas is coming, folks. Save your pennies...

Damn cry baby

It's old news but still interesting. Apparently, one Richard Overton sued the Anheuser-Busch company for false advertising in 1991 because he couldn't bed the beautiful women in the commercials. He cited advertising that implies that one can do flips into a pool (without claims of potential injury) and subsequently impress attractive women.

People will sue over anything lately. Maybe I should sue Camel cigarettes for being so tasty. Or Miller Lite for not explaining that over-consumption of their products will give me a hangover. How about suing my job for stress, or suing the local supermarket for running out of the cheese I want (thus causing emotional distress and malnutrition)?

Our parents and their parents worked hard for what they wanted and weren't near as "suit-happy" as this generation. They weren't in this kind of massive debt, they didn't NEED the newest gadget, they made due with what they had available.

Calm the fuck down, and deal with it. Throw on your big boy/girl drawers and live like a decent human being. You know who you need to sue? The doctor that amputated the wrong foot. The dealership that knowingly sold you a car that would explode. The creator of the virus that stole your identity. The dumb, drunk bitch that totaled your ride. If you can't get ladies, don't waste the court's time. Get a self-help book and move on. It's much cheaper than legal fees.

FREE trip to Japan!

Apparently, Japan is hurting for tourist dollars. So, in an effort to drive (fly, whatever) traffic into the island nation, the Tourism Agency has proposed giving away 10,000 tickets to avid bloggers and social media users.

Hopefully, with 2 websites, 1 blog, 2 Facebook accounts with 1,400+ friends/likes, this girl is headed to Japan next April!

A bank for your MOST personal ASS-ets.

You keep your cash in a bank or in a box under your bed. One way or the other, your hard earned scratch is sacred to you.

So what about the VERY personal, although more easily amassed, fortune around your waistline? You heard me, what about your fat? If you're inclined to have your insulation sucked out of you at a premium, what happens to it? 

Now, there is a "bank" that holds your "Liquid Gold." Not the contents of your oil wells, the contents of your cottage cheese thighs and love handles. Should you ever need any squish back; say, for your lips, or butt, or whatever you've decided is sagging, it can be stored at The Bank of Fat.

If it's weird, it's in Florida.